Dear David Alexander,
Yesterday was August 16th. I spent the entire day thinking how you would be at 4 months. Ironically, we got a new puppy to keep Sparky company. I know you would've enjoyed playing with Roco and Sparky. I can only imagine what heaven is like, but I know you are in peace, full of love, and God's awesomeness.
Yes, I wish you were here with me so I can hold you and look into your eyes and see pure innocence, pure love. I dream of you every now and then, and wonder what would have been of your life. But to be honest, I know you are in a much better place. I can't wait to see you.
Since I know it will be a while before we meet face to face, I write this to let you know that I love you very much and I will never let you go from the deepest place in my heart. But David, since you are in heaven and I'm on Earth, I need to be able to move forward in life. I know you and God would want that for me. So this may not be the last letter I write to you, but it's the beginning of making these past few months and weeks come to a close as I near the end of my grief and loss class.
God has been with me, holding me, giving me strength, showing me what it is to love again, dream again, hope again, and do it all with courage - again. You took a peice of my heart with you, but I will learn to live with that scar in hopes of it being restored in heaven. In the meantime, enjoy heaven, while I enjoy this side of heaven with your mother, Sparky, Roco, and any other siblings that may come our way.
Little David, you made your mark in this world without having to step in it alive. You changed the course and perceptions. You were a remarkable individual. It's impossible to forget this rollercoaster ride. Nevertheless, for my heart's sanity, I'm letting you know that I'm going to start moving on. I won't forget you nor let you go - that would be impossible. But I do promise to love your mom with all the love in the world. I promise to work so hard to make you and God proud of me. I promise to love the unloveable, give generously, and listen wholeheartedly. I promise to be the Dad I would've been to you, to someone who needs it.
So on this, your 4th month, to you my heart shouts I love you. I really really can't wait to see youn but until then: Watch your Daddy. He's on the verge of something great that God has put in his heart. And know that you, my little David, are part of this great scheme of Destiny and a special guest at the table with Jesus. You are and will always be my son.
There's no real way of ending this, but if you could feel my heart palpating and if you could wipe away my tears, you'd feel my heart. So, see you later son.
Your Dad,
Charles David
3 comments:
This is awesome Charlie. There has been so much glory brought to God through little David. It's going to be amazing one day to see fully what he has done. When God reveals it.
I love you guys so much. David will never be forgotten. He has definitely made his mark.
You taught so many of us how faith in God helps you stay grounded. I am so proud of your strength. God's love really heals the deepest wounds. Little David impacted so many lives =)
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