Intro to Book .. one day.... lol

Where do I go from here?
The story behind the reunification of Father & Son
Through the eyes of the Son

(can I relate the pains and anguish he went through while Jesus was on earth and his pains on the cross and what he said: why did you forsake me? He looked up. (just as I looked up and said will you be my father?!” And then they were reunited…now I’m not saying that this is going to happen all the time, but I’m certain of this - there’s hope. What I thought was dead become alive in a promise… I first got to see and know my heavenly Father as my true identity, my creator, and I am made in his self-image. Now of which I resemble more and more like each day. At the same time, I see my earthly father and see the meekness of a man that tried his best to raise me, but in his frailty, was oblivious to the authentic manhood needed for every son.



Introduction

It had been about ten years before I had ever seen my earthly father. After a sour divorce, my father left to a foreign country and began his own life. For a long time, I dealt with the hurts and pains of a father leaving me. Then I dealt with the pains of forgiving my mom for ‘driving’ him away. I believed for a long time that this was the cross I had to bare. These were the nails being hammered into my palms. They struck the very chord that I thought could not be touched.

When he left, I knew that I would have to go through much inner-searching and healing if I were ever to offer myself to a godly woman. I knew this event was going to cause some issues in my life. I began to search for that thing that would fulfill my time so as to not be home. I asked the ultimate question: Dad, why did you leave me?

Seven years passed by the time I was at a point to realize that I needed to see my identity through the eyes of my Heavenly Father. I came to the realization of Psalm 2:7: You are my Son; today I have become your Father. This word came as a healing hand to my soul. It brought me to a place of dependency on God. I had to learn how to depend on people again. I had felt like a major artery of my life gave up on me. Not only gave up on me, but he gave up fighting for his marriage and for his children - that’s how I felt.

I was ok with the idea that my father may be dead or maybe did not want anything to do with me. I was now in a place where I could move on with my life. But I believe that was only a preface to what God had in mind. Later in the year, an opportunity arose to reconnect with him. It was a Kodak moment at the airport when time stopped while we hugged and chatted. It was definitely a God-moment.

Three years after that initial visit, we would still talk on the phone and communicate. We would talk about every other month or so, nothing extravagant. But God had other things planned. God would have us reunite, permanently. As my dad arrived at the airport, I remember thinking: what now? I recall sensing some anxiety as to how I would treat him now that he would be back in my life everyday. I realized there would be some emotional adjustments to be made quickly. I was in survival mode when I had to plan his funeral and make casket arrangements from overseas. It was my duty. But now, my everyday life will involve having my dad back into my life, talking to him everyday, and seeing him continue to age. I found myself asking: what do I do now? And where do I go from here?
I quickly found myself in an amusement park of questions.

This is my story of my challenges and issues, hang-ups I conquered, habits I haven’t. This is a story of a son longing for a relationship with his dad, and realized that maybe dad was there all along…. Let’s embark on this journey of pain, revelation, healing, restoration and ultimately of hope! There is hope! This book will not bring your Father back, but it will bring us to the Father, and we will be sons again. Knowing what it is to be loved by a genuine loving Father is our hearts cry.

A day at a time

Sometimes I wish we could just jump 5 years into the future, just to see where I would be? I still struggle with : What am I called to do? Like .. what in the world is it that i'm supposed to be doing for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like I know the answer: Charlie, you're doing it right now.

argh! I get passionate about changing the lives of young men and guiding and gearing their lives. Maybe it's a sign that i'm ready to be a parent! hahaha! But more than likely, I know where it stems from...

Once upon a time, in the not so distance past, I slipped off the 'right' track.... At that time, I had hoped that someone would come to my rescue. Sure maybe I was naive about it, maybe even a little selfish... Nevertheless, for all the work and time and I had dedicated to this group of people, not one person reached out to me. Consequently, I felt flat on my face. Now, I understand that it wasn't their fault that I fell flat on my face - that was all me. But man, it sure would've been nice to have had a helping hand. This scenario sparked something within me that, to this day, embodies everything that I do.

There are people that need help, and with my skills, experiences, and knowledge - I can help them. in what? in whatever.. lol. I help people - that's what I do best. I help people get jobs. I help people become independant. I help and guide people into increasing their faith and knowledge of God. I help people in crisis - all the time! I help people who can't (at time) help themselves. My heart goes out to them and I do everything and anything within me to HELP.

I once heard it said that one should continue doing what they love to do, become the best at it, and someone will pay you for it....

But I've also come to realize that the only way I can truly help people is if I stand up for them. If I stand in the gap for them and represent them in a way that's truly beneficial to those who can't help themselves. I wouldn't say that I would be giving out free money - because that's not smart. But at time I wish I could have financial instituions go out in the community and teach young, old, poor, and middle to read their financial statements, balance their checkbooks, and ultimately a savings plan. I want to provide resources, not just a blank check.

More and more, I see that being part of the community and representing them, I could be of better service to them. Ironically enough, it's almost like I should go for Mayor or councilman or something. My scare is that there are some things that I'm not proud of that may come out in the light. Everyone has skeletons. The person that needs to know, knows... my wife. So it shouldn't matter, should it. Either way, we'll see about that.. lol

the more i think about where I am today and the doors God has opened in the last 6 months... i'm amazed. i sit on the board of my employer (siatech charter high school). I sit on the board of American Red Cross for south dade, and i sit on the board of miami dade county naranja lakes community redevelopment agency. just in the past 6 months! i've had interviews with commissioners, board members, and community individuals. i've even been offered a job somewhere else! and i completed and earned my bachelors degree (FINALLY!) in public administration....

God - I continue to trust in you! that's all i can do and --- that's all i have left. because i love you and we share that every day. i just lay it all out before you.. my past, present, and future... you are it! i trust.

continually molded,
c. lo