I don't really know where my dad is. But today is his b-day. I thought of how I could remember the good time and celebrate his life - even though he's not physically with me. I found a perfect poem. And it continues to make me realize:
Dad, if you can hear me now, wherever you are, I wish i could take back all the nasty, hateful things I've said. I miss you so much. and I just wanted to let the world that I love you. And yes, it's true.... you don't know what you have until it's gone. But I'm ok Dad. My Heavenly Father's with me now. He's showing me things that you would've shown me and taught me. He's loving me like the way you loved me when I was small - before conflicts begun. And though I may have a new Dad, know that I pray for you and I love you. I'm your son.
Forever,
C.L.
Father And Son by Arti Honrao
(09-20-1977 / Bombay, INDIA)
Let me tell you all,
a storyof father and son
who lived happily
before the conflicts begun
Every Sunday morning they went for a walk
spent time having a man-to-man talk
Sitting on the bench at the sea-sidelike friends meant to be together forever
Father and son
spent their time enjoying every moment together
Nearly in the afternoon, they used to return
Arm in arm, before the conflicts begun.
They used to sit on the couch, reading together
till lunch was served on the table
Then they used to spend time together
Munching their lunch, watching movies on the cable
The lady of the house was proud to see them as one
This was when the conflicts had not begun
One unfortunate day, the father lost his job
He decided to talk to his son about the lost job
That evening the son returned home, tired and exhausted
Father never realized that he would not be interested
As usual the father put his arm around his son
And the son put his arms around his father too,
But this was before the conflict begun.
When the son came to know
that his father is jobless now
He understood that the entire responsibility
would be on his shoulders now
Slowly his arm slipped down from his fathers shoulder
He walked a few steps away to avoid his father
The father did not know the things had changed
He walked to his son, to have the things arranged.
'Oh father, you are an old man now,
Why don't you just stop following me around the house
Why don't you do something worth, than just sit back jobless in the house!
'The father knew from experience, the things were different now
He knew it was time for him to step back now
He turned around to look at his wife, who,
as always, was standing by his side.
Every alternate day,
the discussion turned to the fathers' contribution to the house
One fine day, the father was seen dusting the furniture of the house
His wife came running to him and pulled the duster from his hand
She looked in his eyes and gently held his hand .
She said, 'He would understand soon,
what being a father means
wait till he gets married and has his own son
let him wait till he grows old and is said to be worthless by his own son'
The father, now tears in his eyes
looked at his wife and said
'Sweetheart, let this never happen'
- Arti Honrao
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I celebrate my wife for the woman she is today...
Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
- Maya Angelou
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
- Maya Angelou
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Song Inspired by Chapter Camp
Wondering why you had brought me to a place so far from home.
Thought I was only here to serve.
But you had something in store for me.
Love, Hope, and embraced me
You said: You are my Son, and Today I have become your Father.
You told me you were there in my storms.
I didn't believe you then, but now I see.
You told me you loved me, but now I feel.
You told me you'd embrace me and carry me through.
But now I see the times you lifted me through the storms -
when I was trying to walk on water, you showed me.
Love, Hope, and embraced me
You said: You are my son and today, I have become your Father.
You are my son and today, I have become your Father.
- The End -
Psalm 2:7
Lyrics by Charles Lopez (c)
May 6, 2006 : Chapter Camp
Thought I was only here to serve.
But you had something in store for me.
Love, Hope, and embraced me
You said: You are my Son, and Today I have become your Father.
You told me you were there in my storms.
I didn't believe you then, but now I see.
You told me you loved me, but now I feel.
You told me you'd embrace me and carry me through.
But now I see the times you lifted me through the storms -
when I was trying to walk on water, you showed me.
Love, Hope, and embraced me
You said: You are my son and today, I have become your Father.
You are my son and today, I have become your Father.
- The End -
Psalm 2:7
Lyrics by Charles Lopez (c)
May 6, 2006 : Chapter Camp
Friday, May 12, 2006
Rain by Rob Bell
Things don’t always work out the way we want them to, or the way we think they will. Sometimes we don’t even see it coming. We get hit with some form of pain out of nowhere leaving us feeling desperate and helpless. That’s the way life is. Still, it makes us wonder how God can let these things happen to us. How God can just stand by and watch us suffer. Where is God when it really hurts? Maybe God is actually closer to us than we think. Maybe it’s when we’re in these situations, where everything seems to be falling apart, that God gets an opportunity to remind us of how much he really loves us.
Clink on the link to see video:
http://media.nooma.com/2005/October/89db5aec-1624-4ff4-bcf9-36b58b9e15c7.wmv
Clink on the link to see video:
http://media.nooma.com/2005/October/89db5aec-1624-4ff4-bcf9-36b58b9e15c7.wmv
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
One day at Chapter Camp...
It was Sunday, April 30th. The college/career group went to this camp called Chapter Camp, sponsored in part by Intervarsity. www.ivcf.org
You know as a leader sometimes you sacrfice your wants and desires for the good of the team or person you know needs support. Well, i did both. I'm not going to boast here. But I am going to say the facts - i wasn't getting paid for the week off - that's a big chunk of change. (new to the company and haven't accrued enough vacation time - but it was a condition of employment that I had set up before they hired me). As well, i had signed up to be in one 'track' or session of classes, but because i knew it would mean alot to this one person that was going alone in his 'track', I decided to join him. At first, I was like what am I doing here? This is a new convert class and two... i've done bible school and campus crusade for christ... i almost began dredding the week. But by Tuesday, God was sending me a message through my 'track' teachers.
One of them gave her own quick testimony. Didn't really grow up with her father. In her walk with God, she knew God as Provider, Authority; but did not know Him as Father. Baaaam! I was struck conscience to see that God was going to work with me in this area this week.
The entire week we began in the morning with bible studies. Every study had something to do with Father. I began to learn and see God as Father and his fatherly characteristics. Day after day I wouldn't share with anyone. I kept counseling, mentoring, and encouraging the group. Until Thursday night God began to show me why I was scared and so indifferent at the mountain scenery and bible college setting that was so radiant.
I was scared to engage because I didn't want this experience to be taken from me as if the rug was pulled under me, like how I felt it was before. [Side note: I went to bible college for 2 years. I was supposed to finish. But when I came home one Christmas break, my mom told me that they had been divorced since October of that year. I had to come home and help my mom with paying the bills and be her support.] So I was scared something was going to happen to me. I didn't want to be here at this mountain. It reminded me of the hurt and pain I felt when I had to come home. Thursday night, while the group was singing praise and worship songs, I felt God just bring those emotions up. I felt so scared and hurt and it was so painful to be there. As soon as they were done, I ran to hide somewhere. As I was heading towards the cafeteria area, I couldn't hold in my pain. I was balling like a little boy, crying... why? this hurts so much. and I fell to my knees and was just giving it over to the Lord. "Lord take this because it's too much for me." I sat there in the cold for almost 40 minutes and went back to the cabin to sleep.
Friday morning was 'retreat of silence' for 3 hours. Basically, it was quiet time for 3 hours. You let God speak to you while you meditate on Him and on His Word. I didn't know where to go, where to start, and how to do this. I just went the opposite way. Something in me told me that God was going to deal with me and show me something. I found a place where 2 creeks meet and form a stream. It was beautiful. I put down a towel and looked up. I saw huge trees with spring green colors. I laid down a towel and felt so peaceful - I fell asleep. I slept for about 45 minutes. When I woke up, I had new energies.
I began to feel God lead me to John 7: 38: Whoever believes in me, as [ Or / If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me. / And let him drink, 38 who believes in me. / As] the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." I then felt God lead me to the stream. I saw Him washing my feet, washing my hands, and me drinking from the stream. And so I walked over to a rock in the middle of the stream. Sat on it. I began to wash my feet and my body was taken over by the Holy Spirit. I cried and God was just showing and telling me that I was being commissioned for this new walk and season. I was also being cleansed from my previous walk and given a new 'pathway' to walk. I then began to wash my hands. Again, I felt the Holy Spirit just dwell inside me. God would tell me that it's ok. I'm to start over. There's no guilt on my life. I'm free to move in His Spirit. I then stretched over and began to drink water from the streams. As I drank, I felt God tell me: you will thirst no more.
As I was there on that rock, I began to cry out to him as my Father. Will you be my Father? I know you as authority and ruler, but not as Father. Can you show me what it's like to be your son? I began to cry out and call him Abba Father, Papi, Dad. I felt God embrace me and just touch me. He then led me to a passage Psalm 2:7: You are my Son and today, I have become your Father. Wow, huh? A verse just for me, again!
So, at the end, though I felt like I had no idea what I was doing there. God did. He knew he was going to solve some issues in my life and make sure they were done with. I experienced God in an awesome way, just like I would at Bible college. He was so real to me then, and now he's so real to me again! I thank God that the group was able to hear from God themselves and hold tight to revelations that God would place conviction in their hearts about. It was a blessing and honor to hear those testimonies and see these students grow up before my eyes. I am privileged to have been a part of the leadership group. I feel God has placed us here for a purpose and has taken us from 'glory to glory'.
May you experience God the way I have. May you understand his Father figure and come to enjoy being His son!
I can ultimately say: One day at Chapter camp.... I met my Father.
You know as a leader sometimes you sacrfice your wants and desires for the good of the team or person you know needs support. Well, i did both. I'm not going to boast here. But I am going to say the facts - i wasn't getting paid for the week off - that's a big chunk of change. (new to the company and haven't accrued enough vacation time - but it was a condition of employment that I had set up before they hired me). As well, i had signed up to be in one 'track' or session of classes, but because i knew it would mean alot to this one person that was going alone in his 'track', I decided to join him. At first, I was like what am I doing here? This is a new convert class and two... i've done bible school and campus crusade for christ... i almost began dredding the week. But by Tuesday, God was sending me a message through my 'track' teachers.
One of them gave her own quick testimony. Didn't really grow up with her father. In her walk with God, she knew God as Provider, Authority; but did not know Him as Father. Baaaam! I was struck conscience to see that God was going to work with me in this area this week.
The entire week we began in the morning with bible studies. Every study had something to do with Father. I began to learn and see God as Father and his fatherly characteristics. Day after day I wouldn't share with anyone. I kept counseling, mentoring, and encouraging the group. Until Thursday night God began to show me why I was scared and so indifferent at the mountain scenery and bible college setting that was so radiant.
I was scared to engage because I didn't want this experience to be taken from me as if the rug was pulled under me, like how I felt it was before. [Side note: I went to bible college for 2 years. I was supposed to finish. But when I came home one Christmas break, my mom told me that they had been divorced since October of that year. I had to come home and help my mom with paying the bills and be her support.] So I was scared something was going to happen to me. I didn't want to be here at this mountain. It reminded me of the hurt and pain I felt when I had to come home. Thursday night, while the group was singing praise and worship songs, I felt God just bring those emotions up. I felt so scared and hurt and it was so painful to be there. As soon as they were done, I ran to hide somewhere. As I was heading towards the cafeteria area, I couldn't hold in my pain. I was balling like a little boy, crying... why? this hurts so much. and I fell to my knees and was just giving it over to the Lord. "Lord take this because it's too much for me." I sat there in the cold for almost 40 minutes and went back to the cabin to sleep.
Friday morning was 'retreat of silence' for 3 hours. Basically, it was quiet time for 3 hours. You let God speak to you while you meditate on Him and on His Word. I didn't know where to go, where to start, and how to do this. I just went the opposite way. Something in me told me that God was going to deal with me and show me something. I found a place where 2 creeks meet and form a stream. It was beautiful. I put down a towel and looked up. I saw huge trees with spring green colors. I laid down a towel and felt so peaceful - I fell asleep. I slept for about 45 minutes. When I woke up, I had new energies.
I began to feel God lead me to John 7: 38: Whoever believes in me, as [ Or / If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me. / And let him drink, 38 who believes in me. / As] the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." I then felt God lead me to the stream. I saw Him washing my feet, washing my hands, and me drinking from the stream. And so I walked over to a rock in the middle of the stream. Sat on it. I began to wash my feet and my body was taken over by the Holy Spirit. I cried and God was just showing and telling me that I was being commissioned for this new walk and season. I was also being cleansed from my previous walk and given a new 'pathway' to walk. I then began to wash my hands. Again, I felt the Holy Spirit just dwell inside me. God would tell me that it's ok. I'm to start over. There's no guilt on my life. I'm free to move in His Spirit. I then stretched over and began to drink water from the streams. As I drank, I felt God tell me: you will thirst no more.
As I was there on that rock, I began to cry out to him as my Father. Will you be my Father? I know you as authority and ruler, but not as Father. Can you show me what it's like to be your son? I began to cry out and call him Abba Father, Papi, Dad. I felt God embrace me and just touch me. He then led me to a passage Psalm 2:7: You are my Son and today, I have become your Father. Wow, huh? A verse just for me, again!
So, at the end, though I felt like I had no idea what I was doing there. God did. He knew he was going to solve some issues in my life and make sure they were done with. I experienced God in an awesome way, just like I would at Bible college. He was so real to me then, and now he's so real to me again! I thank God that the group was able to hear from God themselves and hold tight to revelations that God would place conviction in their hearts about. It was a blessing and honor to hear those testimonies and see these students grow up before my eyes. I am privileged to have been a part of the leadership group. I feel God has placed us here for a purpose and has taken us from 'glory to glory'.
May you experience God the way I have. May you understand his Father figure and come to enjoy being His son!
I can ultimately say: One day at Chapter camp.... I met my Father.
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