My letter to David Alexander...

Dear David Alexander,

Yesterday was August 16th. I spent the entire day thinking how you would be at 4 months. Ironically, we got a new puppy to keep Sparky company. I know you would've enjoyed playing with Roco and Sparky. I can only imagine what heaven is like, but I know you are in peace, full of love, and God's awesomeness.

Yes, I wish you were here with me so I can hold you and look into your eyes and see pure innocence, pure love. I dream of you every now and then, and wonder what would have been of your life.  But to be honest, I know you are in a much better place. I can't wait to see you.

Since I know it will be a while before we meet face to face, I write this to let you know that I love you very much and I will never let you go from the deepest place in my heart. But David, since you are in heaven and I'm on Earth, I need to be able to move forward in life. I know you and God would want that for me. So this may not be the last letter I write to you, but it's the beginning of making these past few months and weeks come to a close as I near the end of my grief and loss class.

God has been with me, holding me, giving me strength, showing me what it is to love again, dream again, hope again, and do it all with courage - again. You took a peice of my heart with you, but I will learn to live with that scar in hopes of it being restored in heaven. In the meantime, enjoy heaven, while I enjoy this side of heaven with your mother, Sparky, Roco, and any other siblings that may come our way.

Little David, you made your mark in this world without having to step in it alive. You changed the course and perceptions. You were a remarkable individual. It's impossible to forget this rollercoaster ride. Nevertheless, for my heart's sanity, I'm letting you know that I'm going to start moving on. I won't forget you nor let you go - that would be impossible. But I do promise to love your mom with all the love in the world. I promise to work so hard to make you and God proud of me. I promise to love the unloveable, give generously, and listen wholeheartedly. I promise to be the Dad I would've been to you, to someone who needs it.

So on this, your 4th month, to you my heart shouts I love you. I really really can't wait to see youn but until then: Watch your Daddy. He's on the verge of something great that God has put in his heart. And know that you, my little David, are part of this great scheme of Destiny and a special guest at the table with Jesus. You are and will always be my son.

There's no real way of ending this, but if you could feel my heart palpating and if you could wipe away my tears, you'd feel my heart. So, see you later son.

Your Dad,
Charles David

Rainy Day's ahead. Get your umbrella!

Rainy days in Sunny Miami, Florida are no fun. I've been homebound. And though I have been productive and cleaning up the house and tightening up loose ends, it's gloomy and sure, somewhat lonely. Sparky (my Shi-Tzu) and I have become friends - close friends. Nevertheless, I've become to realize that rainy days have their purpose in life too. We were just under a drought and ironically, coincedentally, rather, God sends this rain down. And so like the saying goes: when it rains, it pours.

Life has this tendency to pour over us a plethora of stuff. Call it family issues, health issues, car issues - issues period, period. We all have them and they are everywhere. Suffice it to ask: what do we do when it rains?

Some of us take our chances and run out to get into our cars quickly, risking the most embarassing moment of slipping in the parking lot or jumping into a puddle and getting all wet! Or even worse- having a vehicle (the larger the better), hit a puddle right in front of you, thereby splashing you from head to toe in dirt and oil infiltrated waters. What a day!? But we chose to take that risk when we don't cover ourselves, or take hold of the umbrella. Have you realized that when we choose the umbrella we walk so much slower, calmer, and steady? That's because we know we are covered and the rain can't mess with our hair do's.

At the same time, there are those (like me), at times, that practice patience or take a quick peek at the Weather Channel app on my phone before leaving and thought it would be wise to bring the umbrella with me. I could see it now: cloudy skies as I walk through the Publix parking lot, people rushing into the store before it pours, we feel that wind coming and we think to ourselves: "let me try to beat it and get inside".

And though I have truly elaborated on the sequence of the first signs of rain reactions, it was done purposely. You see when issues come, sometimes we see them coming from afar and sometimes we don't. Nevertheless, the Bible tells me that issues will come and it warns me. And I listen. It tells me that my covering is Jesus. My protection is in Him. So when these storms of life come our way, I can stand strong knowing that Jesus is my umbrella. And though these issues around me are not gone, and yes, I still have to face them head-on, I know one thing: I'm confident my hair won't get wet. I don't have to worry about my changing my shirt or drying up in the bathroom. I can walk confidently knowing that though it's pouring cats and dogs outside, I'm under the greatest umbrella anyone can have, and to my surprise - it was and is still free for the asking.

[Insert Oprah sarcasm here: You get an umbrella! And you get an umbrella! Everyone that wants one gets an umbrella!]

Truthfully, I'm just thankful for his covering and protection, the measure of grace upon our lives, and the insurmountable peace that he gives during the storm.

[Insert Rihanna song here: Umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh]

I pray we all take a moment to ask for our umbrella's.

#graceandpeace

My 4 year wedding anniversary!