The Climb

It was a quiet day at work. Afterwards, I hit the gym.  I always give myself a few minutes to reacquaint myself with the smell of padded flooring and treadmills. Habit wants to take over, but responsibility values the opportunity to become leaner and not meaner.  Nevertheless, as I listened to a version of Juanes-mixed music, I make a conscious motion of observation. With only 4 adults in the gym , all staff - one older gentleman, one older woman, one younger woman and me – a younger male – all with different life paths and different roads taken. Nevertheless, we found ourselves in the same basement gym – alone all 4 of us. I noticed that we were all sweating and working hard towards something. Wait! 

Did we really something more in common than just being MDC Employees and being at the gym at the same time? It was a common purpose that put us there. Not only was there a purpose behind us being there, there was a common goal – a common thread, a common attitude. We were all pushing and climbing towards that next level, that new level of ourselves. We were all pushing forward, physically and mentally. We had all broken through the temptations and hurdles of the day that would have and could have stopped us from being at the gym. But mental aptitude and responsibility took over.

We were climbing with this abrupt inversion of energy that outlasted the very being of our flesh, but we were there. Climbing. Those with a purpose see themselves – ourselves as go-getters, pushers, climbers. One thing about climbing, one isn’t climbing backwards – we climb forward. Climbing sounds like hard work and struggle. Real mountain climbing sometimes has real hurdles along the way that interrupt us while we attempting to climb a mountain and reach the top. Perseverance steps in and we continue to press on and press forward. The persistent climber eventually reaches his goal. The risk taker may have some scars, but he enjoyed taking the risks along the way – so adventurous those risk-takers. 

Life is just that – a climb. Are you a climber? Pushing past through the hurdles of life, with determination that challenges the very hurdle and obstacles you face in order to reach that goal?! Focused. A climber’s golden rule is to focus. A climber’s medal is experience. A climber celebrates with a dance at the top.

Turns out the best parties are on the top floor. Challenge yourself to be a climber today. 

My letter to David Alexander...

Dear David Alexander,

Yesterday was August 16th. I spent the entire day thinking how you would be at 4 months. Ironically, we got a new puppy to keep Sparky company. I know you would've enjoyed playing with Roco and Sparky. I can only imagine what heaven is like, but I know you are in peace, full of love, and God's awesomeness.

Yes, I wish you were here with me so I can hold you and look into your eyes and see pure innocence, pure love. I dream of you every now and then, and wonder what would have been of your life.  But to be honest, I know you are in a much better place. I can't wait to see you.

Since I know it will be a while before we meet face to face, I write this to let you know that I love you very much and I will never let you go from the deepest place in my heart. But David, since you are in heaven and I'm on Earth, I need to be able to move forward in life. I know you and God would want that for me. So this may not be the last letter I write to you, but it's the beginning of making these past few months and weeks come to a close as I near the end of my grief and loss class.

God has been with me, holding me, giving me strength, showing me what it is to love again, dream again, hope again, and do it all with courage - again. You took a peice of my heart with you, but I will learn to live with that scar in hopes of it being restored in heaven. In the meantime, enjoy heaven, while I enjoy this side of heaven with your mother, Sparky, Roco, and any other siblings that may come our way.

Little David, you made your mark in this world without having to step in it alive. You changed the course and perceptions. You were a remarkable individual. It's impossible to forget this rollercoaster ride. Nevertheless, for my heart's sanity, I'm letting you know that I'm going to start moving on. I won't forget you nor let you go - that would be impossible. But I do promise to love your mom with all the love in the world. I promise to work so hard to make you and God proud of me. I promise to love the unloveable, give generously, and listen wholeheartedly. I promise to be the Dad I would've been to you, to someone who needs it.

So on this, your 4th month, to you my heart shouts I love you. I really really can't wait to see youn but until then: Watch your Daddy. He's on the verge of something great that God has put in his heart. And know that you, my little David, are part of this great scheme of Destiny and a special guest at the table with Jesus. You are and will always be my son.

There's no real way of ending this, but if you could feel my heart palpating and if you could wipe away my tears, you'd feel my heart. So, see you later son.

Your Dad,
Charles David

Letter to God...

Dear God,

I have decided to write this letter to you because we have somethings to discuss.

You see, my hurt hearts, though not as much as before. You have brought people in my life to make me understand  our fragile hearts. And so with you guiding me, I move foward with a 'boo-boo' on my heart. No neosporin will take the scar away. I will always know it's there. People will always know it's there. But as depicted in the picture above, you hold it. You hold everything on Earth. You hold my heart.

I don't understand why my little David had to go. But what I do know is that you turn disasters into masterpieces of art and grace. You have walked with me the past 4 weeks in showing me each week a new step, a new path, a new normal. You've shown me in my spirit and in my heart that it's ok to dream again, to live again, to hope again, and to do it all with courage - again!

So this is my letter to you to tell you that I'm ok with it all. I understand you're soveriegn and nothing I can do can change things. However, what I can do is change my perspective about it all, understanding that you - you are in control. So we start life back at one. Where I learn to love again, dream big dreams - again!

I understand more and more everyday how you must have felt giving up your only son. You and I will always have this in common. The pain you must have felt to understand and know that your son would be the sacrificial lamb. I understand vividly how children are precious in your sight - because they are precious in any light.

And so I move forward. I ask that when it gets hard to handle, you take it from me. Allow me to continue to experience your peace and strenght. May I never take the life you have given me for granted and may it ever be worthy of the blood your Son shed on that cross for me. May it be that my little David looks down from Heaven and see his earthly father be the man that You have called me to be. God - I live for you first. But I chose life, and in doing so, I choose to live for me.

Remind me what it feels like to dream again. Put in my heart and mind new vision, new dreams - those of which you have for me and in doing so, may I honor you with everything that is in me.

Finally, as hard as it may seem - Thank you for David. Thank you for allowing me to experience it ALL. All of it! Every part of it ALL has a purpose in you - and for that I still love you.

Daddy, you are still Good no matter what. That - that I know firsthand.

You were, are, and will always be LOVE.

Love you Dad.

With all my heart.

Your son.
Charles David Lopez

Being Rescued

Three weeks into the grief and loss class I have reached a point in which I will attempt to explain using the following analogy of 9/11.

9/11 began as a normal day. People going through their routines and going to work. Minds on Starbucks and reports due, meetings, and client requests. When all of a sudden the trajedy strikes. Our physical world is shaken to the core and those that survived, did just that - survived. Using survival methods. Not thinking of the pain, but of one goal - get out of here and quickly. Then came the second wave of people. The rescuers. These rescuers went into the fire, the rubble, the towers, the danger, the mist of hell and to core of the towers to free and bring comfort to individuals trapped, injured, etc.. The rescue workers provided oxygen, manpower, lifted men and women to saftey - basically, did anything and everything possible to keep life and safety to those that needed it, without hesitation, without second guessing the danger and possiblity of risks. It was the job that they had signed up to do. It was the job they knew one day could require of them their very lives. And today we have a memorial honoring those that perished that day, both regular employees of the towers and rescue workers that risked it all. Among uniformed rescuers, there were additinoal rescuers that did not have the traditional uniform, but wore their trade uniform - priest collars or suit and ties. People helping people in the time of need and survival, humanity came to help and serve each other.

Even though in the past week I was feeling like I was sucker punched in the stomach and the rug got pulled under me, I still was able to feel like I was in the process of being rescued. Feeling needed again is a lifeline to anyone. Feeling cared for by being able to share in the grief and loss class. Feeling the Word of God permeate through my heart when I read and understand that it is ok to live again, that it is ok to dream again, and today, I have given myself permission to love again. Today, I am free to dance again. Today, I'm free to run again.

Now, let's make this clear - I still have my battle wounds. But in recovery, being able to think differently is a great step forward. Because that battle is in the mind. Now back to the analogy.

Who are the rescuers?

Well, God is the ultimate rescuer. But I have to acknowledge those he has sent along my path to guide me through. You see being rescued from the very towers of 9/11 required more than 1 person, it required groups, troops, squads. For those severly injured, it required lots of manpower and time. I have not been able to get here on my own. I am ever indebited to my church family, a genuine group of unselfish uncanny admirable honorable young and old people who just care to love and love to care. In the process of my tragedy, these group of people, called by God, that I dearly love have picked me up and taken me to safety. Some have breathed life into me by their very words of encouragement. Some have put bandaids on my scars. Some have helped clean up the flesh wounds and some have held my hand while The Surgeon fixes the broken pieces, and some help me through the therapy. All wear different 'uniforms' in life, but like the picture above, all have one common goal: to rescue.

I have come to realize that being rescued means that there is hope. That there is a light at the end of this tunnel. That as I reached my hand out and cried for help, God heard me and answerd my cry for help. He came to my rescue. The weight of grief and loss becomes bareable and almost livable. Moving forward and onward doesn't sound like such a dreadful phase anymore, but a welcomed opportunity to try again.

Agape Love (God's kind of Love) has rescued me. My God and my brothers and sisters in Christ have come to my rescue with almost a militant attitude: leaving no one behind. save all. rescue all. We stand together. We stand strong. We are family.

My church family built a safety net, whether they know it or not, to allow an easy emotional transition into normalcy. I talk about being back to 'normal' as if it were something new. It is. Being shaken off your boots, while still in them is no easy task - and yet wee were shaken causing me to live in a daze and going day by day seeing days pass me by, not realizing what hit me. The world has stopped. Period. I have finally come to the understanding that losing a loved one, whether by death or divorce is serious business, and ironically, both share the same symptoms.

I have also come to the understanding that in life, there are rescuers and there are standby's. Those who watch from the sideline and simply pray all is well. And there are those who have been called to rescue - those who understand the mandate of love, and loving God's people with that love that just permeates Jesus.
Those - those, my friends, are the ones that lock arms and pick u up by your belt straps, cut the roof of the house, and bring you  inside the house where Jesus is. These friends, brothers and sisters, have led me to Jesus. And it's in Jesus that I can breathe again, live again, dream again, and love again.

What are you? Are you a rescuer or a standby? Today, consider loving God's people the way He loves you, loving your neighbor as thyself.

#graceandpeace

Grief and then some....

Ref: Wikipedia

grief/grēf/Noun


1. Deep sorrow, esp. that caused by someone's death.

2. Trouble or annoyance
 
Grief is not a nice word, nor is it a nice act caused by someone else and inflicted on oneself. Grief is a dirty job. During these past few weeks, my pastor (Steve Alessi) has preached a series on Dirty Jobs. One of those "dirty jobs"  included encouraging each other. It's tiring to be encouraging everyone all day long, but the word is clear on encouraging our brothers and sisters.
 
I would submit that grieving is also a dirty job, but each one of us have, will, or currently is grieving.
To love is to be vulnerable to the statement of death. Death never comes at the 'right' time, but it comes. It comes when we love the most - a force to be reckoned with.
 
I found myself in the student's seat as I took part in a grief & loss counseling session. I'm used to being the counselor, so this was very new to me. I was asked a question: What have I learned from the grieving process. For some strange reason, unbeknowest to me, I fell apart - in front of people. For a quick minute I had to gather my thoughts, my composure. As we temporarily passed to the next person, I realized one thing that I  had yet realized: I was grieving.
 
For the first time in my life, being 30+ now, I was grieving like I had lost my son. Aha! I did lose my son. And I had dreams of what our live would be together, I had hopes for him, ones that I would help him reach. I wanted to love him so bad like I hadn't been loved by my own father. I wanted to be a Dad. This was a moment I had been praying for and there I stood holding my baby son in my arms, praying, and giving him over to God.
 
The therapist shared with me the 4 stages of grieving.
 
1. Denial
2. Angry
3. Negotations (w/ God)
4. Acceptance
 
I had accepted little David Alexander's death, and I still do. But the therapist said that sometimes in acceptance we still feel like we were uprooted and shaken to our bones. And we ask ourselves: now what? What now? Where do we go from here?
Our yesterday - what we thought was our normal life, is not so normal anymore. We have a new normal. This normal requires of us alot more strenght, alot more prayer, alot more of alot more.
 
And to my surprise - it's all normal. We all grieve differently.
 
Frankly, the plan that was laid out in front of me was taken from under me. Like a confused child, I sometimes just sit and ask: now what? where do I go from here? This wasn't part of the plan.
 
To my felllow reader, I ask that you do not become super religious on me and begin quoting scriptures... not that it doesn't help, because it does help - alot! But, my writing this today is not necessarily meant for you, it's for me. It's me acknowledging, for the first time, that I loved my baby and I miss him. I wish I could've had a life with him and I wish that my wife didn't have to go through all the pain.
 
Nevertheless, we understand that there's a sovereign God who does whatever He wants, because He can - and you know what, I don't mind, better Him than me. But I need to add something that I have learned along the way.
 
There are some friends that have been able to muster up the courage to embrace us and others who have shy'd away. A few have said that they just don't know what to say. Here's a hint: don't say anything. A simple call to say that you are here for us. A simple squeeze on the shoulder says more than your perfect words will ever transmit. People grieving don't need to hear about love, they need to be shown love. This is action time, not talking time. This is where the rubber meets the road: "love your neighbor as thyself. Encourage one another."
 
So while there are some 'friends' and 'family' that have yet to call in the past 3 months, I understand it's hard to talk about. But you need to know, it's good for anyone who has lost someone to talk about the loss. We all know people grieving in our work places, churches, schools, etc... Let's reach out. Please be an adult, a Christian, a loving and mature person to come up to the one grieving and embrace us and don't forget about us!
 
I'm not necessarily talking about my personal experience, but I've heard close 'friends' say that talking about death is a difficult conversation. Let me change your perspective in this manner. First, if you lost someone, you'd want people to build you up, not keep you in your suffering. So do it others, as you would like it to be done unto thee. Secondly, that's a really lame excuse. If you're really my friend and you see my pain, you better muster up some courage and faith and embrace me. I expect that as my friend. Unfortunately, I've had to downgrade some 'close' relationships because they are too scared to talk about the inevitable. Thirdly, I do not like to talk about death, but about life! Come beside me and help me celebrate life!
 
I know i'm using 'me' as if I'm asking for you to embrace me personally. But I feel like today, I write on behalf of those grieving and I joined the club as the Advocate. The heart of the grieving person says: Love on me. Support me. Encourage me while I grieve. Walk this with me. Don't leave me here doing this alone.
 
My friends and family, Go - love someone grieving. Show them the Jesus in you and remind us (grieving folk) what it is to be the body of Christ.
 
Finally, I have to honestly admit that my own church, Metro Life Church, has been the best embrace, support, encouragement, and cares enough for me and those grieving to take care of our hearts and provide a Christian therapist. That's church ya'll! That's Jesus.
 
So today, I ask: Do you know someone who grieves? Reach out to them, with love, not just biblical scriptures. Embrace. Pray. Love.  Above all is else is love.
Listen, we are all vulnerable - love is. This should be our new normal.
 
As Iron Sharpens Iron. Truly. 'Enough said.

Decisions and Frustrations....

Lately, I've come across too many individuals that make wrong decisions and then wonder why certain things happen to them. I remind them that they chose that path.

"No, I didn't."
"Um, Yes you did. When you decide to go this route, you have made the choice to pursue that path with its risks and benefits."

I have come to the understanding that we constantly make decisions, whether good or bad, and then we reap the benefits or consequences of such.

Everyday is the constant battle to do right and make right decisions, as we grow older, it is hoped that this becomes easier. However, I have come to find that many individuals (both male and female) struggle with making right decisions. I would add that some have yet to learn how to make right decisions - whether it be my a biblical-moral standard of conduct or just a personal one. I recall a rather wise individual, Pastor Steve Alessi, say once that "wisdom will get you out of the mess that your faith will need to get you out of". Simply stated: had we used wisdom in the first place, maybe we wouldn't need the 'miracles' or be anxious for anything.

Time after time, I become frustrated with individuals that share with me their dreams and desires. As a friend and mentor, I support, encourage, and motivate each one to research, plan, and pursue. Somehow, everyone feels great with the encouragement, but getting from dream to reality is harder than it seems. And when people start seeing the hurdles and obstacles in the way, it's like they give up. They continue to stagger through life, having staccato moments of excitement & hope, and yet live life complaining about their jobs, family, and the famous "I wish...." statements.

I have taken upon myself to try to understand these people. I conducted a non-scientific study to see if my thesis was correct: Drive & Motivation is contingent upon personality type. Conclusion: Well, it being non-scientific, I have begun to see some clarity and positive response towards my thesis. Needless to say, what I have learned is the following:
1. Choleric individuals have a more natural drive & motivation to succeed and pursue. It's just who they are.
2. Sanguine: Well, their drive and motivation is sought in more 'people oriented' missions. Sanguine is the "popular" or "attention-seeker" personality - the life of the party.

Now, here's where it gets interesting:

3. Phlegmatic
4. Melancholy

Both of the personality types struggle with the natural drive and motivation. They are more 'emotional' and pursue things based on emotion. When it fails, the person feels like a failure. When it succeeds, the person feels on top of the world. It's when it fails, that these two personality types are closely dangerous to depression. At the same time, they are not necessarily ones to do anything about "when something needs to get done". Passivity & decision-making go hand in hand. Having a choleric or sanguine as a close friend or spouse can be a challenge but can also be the supplement.

The question becomes: Can a Phlegmatic or Melancholic person be driven/motivated? After so many inquiries, I have learned the following:
1. Yes, these two personality types can be driven and motivated to research, plan, and pursue and still succeed in life after failures. The secret is that in order for these individuals to do so, it needs to become a learned behavior.

This idea and notion goes back to what Pastor Steve was preaching about this weekend - renewing of the mind. We are futile vessels, fragile, complex, and yet intricate and designed perfectly in His image. But we can all agree on one thing - we are not perfect and we continue to strive after God. This being said, the changing of our thoughts and the type of thoughts that we allow to entertain us, become who we are. We are who we think we are - true statement. If we want change, then we have to change who and what we are and do - another true statement. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. So this is also true with our thinking process. I don't necessarily feel the need to further augment this conclusion. It speaks for itself. However, I need to add one thing. No change and renewing of the mind happens without the source of wisdom - Jesus Christ.

So can a Christian be unmotivated? Sure. Some along the journey have yet to learn that all it takes is a renewing of the mind. Once this lesson is learned, an unmotivated person can become all of what God has intended for him or her.

Capish. Capish. Carpe Diem.

What if ....?

I sat in my office watching the final launch of the Space Shuttle Atlantis. I could only imagine how it felt to be there in person. It's definitely a proud day to be an American. Needless to say, my mind wandered a bit. Ever have those blank moments that become 'aha' moments? I had a few mindless questions. Ironically, it still brought me to a lesson.

I wondered what if the shuttle had no fuel? I know it's a crazy question to ask. But join me in this thought process. What if we spent all this money and man-power and this machine full of potential, discovery, and symbolism just sat there? Wouldn't that be a shame? I mean to have it all set-up, each metal tablet welded to form a shield of protection for re-entering and to not be able to see it in action. I'm baffled thinking about this idea that someone, some nation, would go through all of the hard work and effort, for simply nothing; it's ridiculous, isn't it?

Well, it's the same with us. God made us in his image. We're wired and set-up for success, to launch and be a symbolism of his grace, love, provision, and salvation. He spent some precious moments, no pun intended, in putting us together. We are definitely complex human beings. So it baffles me when know that we are his and yet we sit. Just sit. Life goes on and we are the average Joe. It frustrates me to see people with lots of potential, dreams, and desires but do not pursue those dreams and desires with passion.

Fear sometimes is a x-factor - fear of failing or succeeding. Whatever the issues are, I find it hard to connect with impassioned people. This is not to say that I'm always passionate about life or pursuing my dreams 24/7. I mean to say that life is what we make it and our God has given us this drive to pursue righteousness, to pursue desires and dreams, and pursue Him - and in Him is where I find my passion. Paul reminds us that life is a race - some win, some lose, but training is required, nevertheless. I want to win in life. I want to be able to show my children that when we put God first, there's a valuable asset that no one can buy back from us. It is ours.

So where do we stand today? What if we added fuel to the shuttle? All of a sudden, in T-9 minutes, we would have lift-off. Our fuel is Jesus. Our passion and drive is found in Him. So pick up your mat and walk. Today, choose to live life to the fullest and begin forming the plan to get out of your "misery", whether that be forming new relationships, building your own business, starting a new job, or furthering your education. Whatever it is - just do it!

I have come to fully understand and comprehend that life on Earth is short-lived. So why not live it in the perspective of fulfilling our dreams and desires. I do so for my wife and my children. I chose a long time ago to make sure that I was always fueled and ready for lift-off.

[Pinky & The Brain comment insert here: So what do you want to do today, Brain? Same thing we do everyday, Conquer the World!]

Choose to add fuel to your life. It will launch you forward!